Posts by Bona Dea

46

The Overbeer's New Toy

by Valis in

jw
friends

well, i've finally saved enough and w/a little help from the dealership i am now the proud owner of a honda shadow 600 vt....not quite a harley, but it rocks!

just thought i would share and let the wholesome apostate sisters that rides are only a nickle..... .

sincerely,.

I was on the air today with Dr. Joy Browne

by Bona Dea in

jw
friends

i don't know if anyone here listens to dr. joy but i love her show and most of the time agree with her advice.

well, today i grew some balls and decided to call in and ask her what she thought i should do in my current situation (which is probably the closest i will come to seeking professional advice).

i never mentioned the name of the "religious group" in which my husband was involved, but i informed her about some of the things that they believe and how it was affecting my marriage and family.

Bona Dea

Mulan,

I'm sorry for your niece. These things are so hard. It is especially hard when kids are involved. I hope everything works out alright for them.

26

I was on the air today with Dr. Joy Browne

by Bona Dea in

jw
friends

i don't know if anyone here listens to dr. joy but i love her show and most of the time agree with her advice.

well, today i grew some balls and decided to call in and ask her what she thought i should do in my current situation (which is probably the closest i will come to seeking professional advice).

i never mentioned the name of the "religious group" in which my husband was involved, but i informed her about some of the things that they believe and how it was affecting my marriage and family.

Bona Dea

Yes, it would be somewhere between difficult and impossible to find a middle ground with a true-believer jay-dub.

you can say that again

Kids need love, acceptance, and encouragement more than anything else. If you give these things to them, the details will take care of themselves. Don't hit the panic button over the JW thing, or feel like if your kids take to it somewhere along the way that it's the end of the world. They'll see it for what it is eventually.

I have been trying to stay on top of this...but it is so hard. I play out the worst case scenarios in my mind. They'll grow up and join up with the dubs and have nothing to do with me. They'll grow up, reject the truth and my husband will have nothing to do with them. I read posts on here about kids who kill themselves in KH parking lots. It is very hard not to hit the panic button. I ADORE my children. Life is plagued with enough "junk" without having to deal with shear nonsense like: Is God going to kill me if I'm friends with Tiffany because she doesn't go to the KH? I said God bless you today when Steven sneezed...gee, I hope God didn't hear me! "I pledge allegience to the flag"...(I hope God has his ears turned off). My 6 year old is already saying things like "God is going to kill me if I'm not good". I can't imagine what kind of things will play through his mind if this situation persists. And I utterly dread when my 4 year old starts putting some of this stuff together. My kids will have enough problems that will just come from life. It is my hope, that when they get older and mature enough to make decisions for themselves that they will see it for what it is

The more a JW has to fight for his religion, the more difficult it is for them to ever admit that it is not the troof. I've seen it all too many times.

I have learned this first hand. When I got out, he was a mediocre believer at best. Now, he's going out in the field service, doing talks at the TMS, and determinedly teaching the kids. It is driving me nuts

Thanks dantheman

26

I was on the air today with Dr. Joy Browne

by Bona Dea in

jw
friends

i don't know if anyone here listens to dr. joy but i love her show and most of the time agree with her advice.

well, today i grew some balls and decided to call in and ask her what she thought i should do in my current situation (which is probably the closest i will come to seeking professional advice).

i never mentioned the name of the "religious group" in which my husband was involved, but i informed her about some of the things that they believe and how it was affecting my marriage and family.

Bona Dea

Hey double edge,

Yes...I nearly pissed in my pants I was so nervous. I actually cried on the air. I was terrified, to say the very least.

As far as my husband goes...well, you really just gotta know the man. I think this whole thing just sorta "suits" him (for lack of a better word). He's always been very controlling and very much a non-conformist...never liked Christmas (or any holiday, for that matter), never liked spending money, never liked politics/government, was never much of a "family man", and has always LOVED anything that sets him apart from everyone else. He is a very negative (anti-people) person by nature. "Has something bad to say about everything" kind of person. This is, IMO, just another way for him to control me and the kids, yet under the guise of being "for God", and it fits him since he never cared for half the things they ask their adherents to give up anyway. I think it's just sad that he can't see past himself and see what this is doing to our kids and our marriage. Honestly, I figure it is just a matter of months before he gets baptized.

26

I was on the air today with Dr. Joy Browne

by Bona Dea in

jw
friends

i don't know if anyone here listens to dr. joy but i love her show and most of the time agree with her advice.

well, today i grew some balls and decided to call in and ask her what she thought i should do in my current situation (which is probably the closest i will come to seeking professional advice).

i never mentioned the name of the "religious group" in which my husband was involved, but i informed her about some of the things that they believe and how it was affecting my marriage and family.

Bona Dea

Thanks Frank.

I listened very carefully to what she had to say. The main reason I called was for affirmation. I think I've known all along what is probably going to happen with my family...but just needed to know that I wasn't blowing this whole thing out of proportion in my head. It helps to get some advice from someone on the outside (not family; never been involved with the JWs) and is a trained psychologist to boot.

33

help! my son is going to the th. night meeting...

by kaykay_mp in

...with my mom!

a) grab his left arm tightly while my mom grabs his right arm, with me saying, "over my dead body!"?.

b) not even care, since i would like one evening without hearing, "mine!

Bona Dea

I say "A"

26

I was on the air today with Dr. Joy Browne

by Bona Dea in

jw
friends

i don't know if anyone here listens to dr. joy but i love her show and most of the time agree with her advice.

well, today i grew some balls and decided to call in and ask her what she thought i should do in my current situation (which is probably the closest i will come to seeking professional advice).

i never mentioned the name of the "religious group" in which my husband was involved, but i informed her about some of the things that they believe and how it was affecting my marriage and family.

Bona Dea

I don't know if anyone here listens to Dr. Joy but I love her show and most of the time agree with her advice. Well, today I grew some balls and decided to call in and ask her what she thought I should do in my current situation (which is probably the closest I will come to seeking professional advice). I never mentioned the name of the "religious group" in which my husband was involved, but I informed her about some of the things that they believe and how it was affecting my marriage and family.

For those of you who haven't had the privilege of hearing my life story already (I post it on nearly every thread that I respond to) my husband is an unbaptized but very active dub. I am not. I was going along for a while until I stumbled on the mounds of info against them and well, here I am. I basically briefed her on the problems my 6 year old is having about understanding all of this. I have no problem with my husband being a dub...he is a grown man and free to make his own choices. But the kids are getting seriously mixed up over all of this (mainly our 6 yr old). And somewhere along the line, my son has came to the conclusion that if he is bad, God is going to kill him. Dear hubby says he never told him that. But my hub reads them horror stories from that yellow My book of bible stories to him every night...so what conclusion did he expect him to draw? He does allow us to celebrate holidays, but at the same time he's telling the kids that Jehovah doesn't approve. Needless to say, not a good situation for a 6 and a 4 year old.

At any rate, I laid everything out to her and she basically said that we need to find a middle ground for the kids sake but unfortunately when someone becomes involved in a religion like this - that is sometimes not an option; seek counseling (he would never go for that); that him and I should find a second religion (not a chance on that); or I should consider leaving the marriage to protect the mental well-being of the children.

Anyhow, I was nervous as hell...and excited. Just wanted to let anyone and everyone who may have been listening and thought, "Gosh, she sounds like she's describing the WTS"...well, I was...and that was me!!

Bye all,

Bona

http://www.drjoy.com/air/index.html -- Unfortunately, I couldn't find any archives of the shows

23

can the marriage work

by DIAMOND in

jw
friends

is it even remotly possible that a marriage can work if the wife is a jw and the husband who has been one for over 30 years is on his way out.

is there any advice on how this can work or is it just doomed for divorce!!!!

i love my wife and kids but she's not handeling this very well at all.

Bona Dea

Wow. I don't feel so alone. I am in the same situation except me nor my husband have ever been baptized...but he is just a adamant as a baptized JW. I'm sure it won't be too much longer til he takes the plunge. I stopped going to the meetings back in Jan. We never really inforced too much of the doctrine with our children (they are only 6 and 4) and really only went one year without doing any holidays, taking down pics with crosses, stopped being involved with politics, etc...but it seems that since I have turned my back on "the truth" he has really gotten a lot more determined to indoctrinate our children with their beliefs. He has agreed to let us do the whole holiday things this year but at the same time tells the kids that Jehovah doesn't like such things. While my 4 year old hardly understands any of this, my 6 year old is very confused.

I don't want to get a divorce, but I really don't know what else to do. I don't want my kids to be so confused and I don't want them to worry that they are offending Jehovah every time they do something as simple as having "worldly" friends or say "god bless you" when someone sneezes. This just seems like a ridiculous situation to be in, you know? I don't really have a problem with my hub being a dub (dubhub...LOL) but I do having a problem with him screwing with the kids minds and the prospect of them having a simple and normal life. Does that make sense?

Gosh, I feel like I've just hijacked your thread. Sorry about that. Just want you to know, that you are not alone...and unfortunately, I have no answer for you either. I wish you the best and hope everything works out okay for ya!

BTW, Do you guys have kids?

Bona

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